Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
