Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
