I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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