Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
