Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
