I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
