Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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