Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
