You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
