Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
