My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
