So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize