anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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