new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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