It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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