I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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