its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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