I'm going to jail i love you
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Congratulations! We have a period
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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