I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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