here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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