So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
