you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
