3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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