Buhtt sex?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
