if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
