Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
