you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
be right there i have to get my cape
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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