Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize