I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
