i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
