Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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