btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
