I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
