I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
