addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
