So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
