i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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