don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
