somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
