Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize