At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
