he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
