If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
