Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
