I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
