A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
