It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Text me some of your sweat
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