Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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