I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
