M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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