Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
