Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
