Pants 0. Shit 1.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
