Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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