3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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