Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
