It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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