I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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