maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
