WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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