oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
