can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
