I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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