Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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