Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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