i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm too high and old for this...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize