Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
