are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
