I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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