Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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