I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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