I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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