He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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