If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
