No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Life is so much better after having sex.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You are a genius and a whore.
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