You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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