you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize