Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
