Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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