You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
