What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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